Lost
Born into a world of brokenness, we all lose who we truly are because the conditions for our true selves to flourish is a sinless and perfect world. We are all lost sheep and Jesus seeks each one of us out to make us found and safe again.
Found
In 2020, when I was 16, Jesus found me in my room in my most vulnerable and broken state. Suicidal, heartbroken, lonely, depressed, fearful. That’s where He met me; that’s where He loved me. His love filled me and I found the reason I was alive: His love.
Born again
Jesus says in order to be His, we must be born again. This is because we cannot enter into a perfect world (the Kingdom of God) as imperfect people. When we are born again, our spirits are born again into Gods family. We are no longer parts of a broken world, we are now whole because of the faith we have in Jesus’ sacrifice for us on the cross. The Holy spirit now lives in us and we are New Creations in Christ Jesus.
New Creation
We now get to embark on a new journey alongside Jesus of unlearning who we thought we were and discovering who we truly are now that we have been filled with the Holy Spirit. Who are we without being enslaved to brokenness and sin? Who can we be with the living God within us? Well, that’s what this blog is all about.
The meaning behind the name “Finding the Flower”
I’ll give you the long story short and one day maybe I’ll post a blog elaborating on it.
I have a very close relationship to Jesus and I learnt what His voice sounds like. Although I still misinterpret what He says and sometimes I am listening to my own thoughts and feelings (I’m only human). However, this was one of the times I heard him loud and clear. Holy Spirit communicated to me to watch ‘Tangled’ about 8 months before I left for Circuit Riders (a discipleship training school in California). After watching the movie the Holy Spirit told me “Look for the flower”. If you haven’t watched the movie, Rapunzel discovers that she is the lost princess when she looks at the flower she painted continuously on her walls and found inside that flower the sun that was the symbol of the kingdom she belonged to. When she found the flower, she discovered who she truly was. Growing up in a broken home, I never knew who I was. In spiritual terms, I was stolen by the enemy into a place I didn’t belong and God was going to show me where I really belong, who I really am. Thats what he meant by “Look for the flower”.
About 8 months later, I was having a mental breakdown because of something the speaker said. I left class early and sat outside. I was being very self deprecating and the self hatred was taking over. I’ve always struggled with these things but in that moment, I couldn’t bear to be in my own skin. I was tearing myself apart in my notes app. I’ll spare you the details, its pretty horrific. As I was aggressively typing away, God spoke 4 words to me that struck me; “It wasn’t her fault”. Immediately, an image of myself as an infant popped into my head. I broke down in tears as I realised who I was spewing this hatred onto. An innocent child who wasn’t responsible for what happened to her. Just a human. A pure child who was just trying to survive the unfortunate circumstances she was born into. It wasn’t her fault.
I cried for a long time. God then prophesied to me that I would write a book called “It wasn’t her fault” one day.
I was crying near a water fountain. That wasn’t a coincidence. I ended up getting baptised right then and there. I was born again, restored to the kingdom of heaven, where I really belong. My friend Libby went to grab me a towel out of her car, (we lived near the beach, everyone has towels on hand) and she came back with two things. She handed me a towel and then paused and said, I have been saving this for someone in my Bible and God told me to take it out and give it to you.
She hands me a flower.
That’s why I’ve called this blog, ‘Finding the flower’, because just as God led me to discover who I truly am, I want you to find who you really are.
Its not a one and done situation. Yes, that moment was amazingly wonderful but finding who you are is just the start. Being confident in that identity and living out of your true identity is something we will work at together on this blog.
I hope you find your flower <3
Yours truly, Crystal Lianne.